I can't imagine what that problem looks like, I've seen some harsh shadows cast by eyelashes.
You can increase the size of the light to get softer shadows, but at risk of flat light, meaning no shadows to show depth of facial features and so on.
I've only recently started using mesh lights instead of spotlights. I think mesh lights has softer shadows than spotlights of equal size.
Also setting spotlight geometry to disc or rectangular gives softer shadows. Increasing spread angle.